It’s difficult to put into words. I have this “pressure” in my chest that feels as if it wants to burst out, but I’m not sure how to release it. I wonder if this is what anxiety feels like. I’ve never really been truly anxious for anything before, so maybe this is what it feels like.
Is stepping out in faith easier than continuing on in faith? Abraham took a step of faith as he left behind his people, country, and family. Was the decision to do that easier than the daily decision to continue on in faith? He was continually confronted with difficult decisions. Should he turn and go back or keep moving forward? The Bible provides many such stories of faith. Consider the example of the apostles. They left everything…EVERYTHING…to follow Jesus. Everyday they had to make a decision of faith, do I continue or do I return to what I know? Jesus is taken from them and killed. I cannot fathom the crisis of faith that they must of felt at that time. But we know the rest of the story, that God raised him to life three days after his death where he was seen again by the apostles and many other people and left this world in a cloud to return to his rightful place in heaven. And so, the apostles continued in faith.
Dana and I have been on our own faith journey. We’ve taken each day, each moment of difficulty, by putting one foot in front of the other taking steps in the direction of faith to serve as full time missionaries in Ghana, West Africa. The “easy” steps of faith are behind us and the difficult steps of faith are ahead. I think part of the feeling in my chest is that I’ve looked too far ahead. Rather than keeping my eyes down and taking daily steps, I’ve looked up and seen what’s ahead and that feeling is anxiousness. It’s the anxiousness of:
- Is this really happening?
- What if I fail?
- Can I really make a difference?
- Will I be accepted?
- How will I handle conflict?
- Can I learn the language?
- If I fail, what will I do then?
This is all part of our transition and as we move through the stages of transition we are grateful for scripture that reminds us to keep our eyes down and taking small daily steps not looking to what lies ahead. And so today we pack, this weekend we rest, Tuesday & Wednesday we travel, step-by-step-by-step…
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. – Matthew 6:34